While we were jogging yesterday.
Georgia: Mom, you should come to the Miss Raider pageant with me tomorrow night. It’s going to be awesome! Wait till you see the awful dresses they wear—all picked out by their menopausal East Cobb moms. It’ll be a sea of rhinestones. —And their stupid answers to the interview questions! Last year, they were asked, What is the best thing about being exposed to different cultures, and someone said, THE FOOD. The winner was a coke addict.
One of the contestants is in my English class--Crazy-Lisa. You’ve heard me talk about her. She’s the cheerleader with the bad learning disorder that all the teachers just ignore—I mean they pretend she doesn’t have one and just pass her. We were on the computers last week, and she was asking everyone for gum, in her high, valley-girl voice: “You got’nee gum? You got’nee gum?” She asked every single one of us individually, even though we could all hear her at once, and nobody had any. So this freshman comes in to use the computer, and Crazy-Lisa says, “Got’nee gum?” and the girl gives her a piece. Crazy-Lisa tells her, “I LOVE YOU!” then starts chattering away with someone else before turning back to the freshman and announcing, “You’re my BEST friend….What's your name again?”
I’m fascinated by her. In fact, I’m going to room with her on our trip to Spain. I don’t know how she survives a day; she’s that dumb. Yesterday, she asked if I’d listen to her practice her speech for the pageant. Well, I wasn’t gonna pass that up! So she starts, and it takes her about eight times just to get the first line out:
My favorite memory from high school is…
My favorite high school memory is…
I remember my favorite high school memory….
My VERY FAVORITE…
It was a gray and rainy day on the day of my favorite memory…
I’m serious, this went on for about 10 minutes, her trying to finish the first sentence.
Anyway, by the time the bell rang, all I had figured out was that her favorite memory had something to do with Walton winning a football game.
TR: Who is in the pageant?
George: Anyone who wants to be.
TR: Why aren’t you in it?
George (gawking at me like I’ve lost my mind): Are you kidding me? They have to do a DANCE routine. You know—like the Miss Universe pageant. But guess what the theme is? Georgia on My Mind. I would have been a shoe-in.
Oh my god, this is gonna be so great. Awesome, really. You've GOT to come.
13 comments:
can you send georgia up here for a few days?
she's much more fun than you are. in fact, being anywhere with you in the future won't be fun at all anymore... i'll just be thinking the whole time about how much funnier georgia is.
she really gets it, you know? the essence of life and why we're on this planet in the first place.
Georgia is really not that fun. Just ask Garey.
I hope someone goes to the pageant and gets a few photos! Sounds like a goldmine.
that's what i'm saying, collin. how could you pass it up? its not like opportunities like that one come around all the time.
tania, if you didn't go with georgia to the pageant, not only are you the "worst.mother.ever.," you're also the "worst.blogger.ever."
She didn't go, but I DID get pictures.... oh yes.
dude, that's awesome! i mean its not awesome that your mom neglects you because you're the middle child, but its awesome that you went and got pictures. i would have gone with you if i were down there. you and jack should move up here or at least just run away.
t: please let georgia do a guest blog entry so i can see the pictures. i can't believe you let such a great opportunity go to waste.
I second that emotion. Let Georgia put those pics up. That should be a goldmine of laughs and ridicule.
Tania, I say either shit or get off the pot. Are you and that daughter of yours gonna post those pageant pictures or not?
tania, don't ever let an opportunity like the "pageant" go by without asking me to go. can you just imagine how much fun we would have had laughing at them all?
tania's mom: your daughter's a slacker. she didn't go. she didn't even have a good enough reason for it. i hope it helps you to know that you can always count on me to attend pageants if you let me know about them in the future. but your mom has to come along, too.
Georgia refuses to write the guest blog!
Why won't she indulge us?
She's no fun.
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