Best New Year's Email

Heartache

She who will never be mine

Olive All Grown Up

She has a regal bearing.

Halloween Olive

As long as she isn't mine, there is no justice in the world.

Olive Obsessed

I've never seen her in person, but I am smitten with her. In my dreams, we go for long Autumn walks by the river--with her in the Snugli--and I tell her how much cuter she is than every other mutt we pass; I spoon-feed her homemade chicken and rice and read her Carl books before bedtime. I have her Elvis collars special-made and let her pick out her own Halloween costume. She loves me best, just like Fay does, but she doesn't bite children or growl at grown-ups, because she's perfect. The perfect dog for me.

Olive

Rachel at work has been sending me pics of her friend's baby, a French Bulldog, since the puppy was just a few weeks old. All I do is covet, and concoct elaborate schemes to kidnap her. I deserve her. I should have her.