Garrison Keillor Cracks Me Up

Here's an excerpt from his essay on Salon this morning.

So the Republicans have decided to run against themselves. The bums have tiptoed out the back door and circled around to the front and started yelling, "Throw the bums out!" They've been running Washington like a well-oiled machine to the point of inviting lobbyists into the back rooms to write the legislation, and now they are anti-establishment reformers dedicated to delivering us from themselves. And Mayor Giuliani is an advocate for small-town America. Bravo.

They are coming out for Small Efficient Government the very week that the feds are taking over Fannie and Freddie, those old cash cows, and in the course of a weekend 20 or 50 (or pick a number) billion go floating out the Treasury door. Hello? Do you see us out here? We are not fruit flies, we are voters, we can read and write, we didn't just fall off the coal truck.

It is a bold move on the Republicans' part -- forget about the past, it's only history, so write a new narrative and be who you want to be -- and if they succeed, I think I might declare myself a 24-year-old virgin named Lance and see what that might lead to. Paste a new face on my Facebook page, maybe become the Dauphin Louie the Thirty-Second, the rightful heir to the Throne of France, put on silk tights and pantaloons and a plumed hat and go on the sawdust circuit and sell souvenir hankies imprinted with the royal fleur-de-lis. They will cure neuralgia and gout and restore marital vigor...


Kathy said...

I laughed out loud re the "declare myself a 24-year-old virgin named Lance" line. Garrison make me laugh.

It's sad that appealing to stupid still seems to work so well. Glad that news outlets are starting to cover Palin bridge lies, McCain's latest nasty ad and Troopergate. After they did in depth reporting on the lipstick on a pig scandal, of course.

Anonymous said...

How bout that 'Bama. Wavering on his tax increase on the rich "if the country seems to be in trouble or in a recession"? Hasn't that been his platform all along...that our economy is in trouble? Just more dancing from the left to teh center as teh election approaches. Bridges, lipstick, Troopergate. None of it matters. I don't care what they tell me you are going to do (because it's all lies). Their voting record will tell us.

Collin said...

What I want his Ann and Nancy Wilson of Heart to show up at a campaign stop and kick that moose-skinning, gun-toting, Bible-thumping Palin back to Alaska. And you know Ann could do it.

ads. said...

...while singing "kick it out"...

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