9.18.2007

A History of Failure

As happens twice every year, when Lo's school picture days come around, Biggy and I had a knock-down-drag-out, resulting from his unfulfilled fantasy of having a wife who can vacuum and french braid at the same time. As often as I've tried to explain to him that I am no more qualified to make a ponytail than he is (and even less inclined to care about it), he still holds on to the illusion that one day I'm going to swirl around his daughter in a little cyclone of ribbons and styling gel, and she will emerge from the cloud looking like Cindy Brady at Easter.

This morning, I even washed and blew her hair dry, but that wasn't good enough. He launched into a spastic sign language rant, gesturing behind Lola's back what I translated to be 'big hair' and 'sticking out' and 'What kind of mother are you?'

When he returned from the bus stop, he was vocal:

Biggy: Avery's hair was fixed with a bow, really cute and neat.

TR: Would you like for me to be a stay-home mom like Avery's mother? I could read Good Housekeeping articles that teach me how to make barrettes out of macaroni. Then I could make bread in my bread machine.

Biggy: Are you saying that because you have a job you don't have time to fix Lo's hair?

TR: No, I'm asking if you'd rather be married to a woman whose top priority is her daughter's pincurls. I don't care about hair, Greg. Look at my own! And school pictures?! The whole POINT of school pictures is to look at them in twenty years and laugh your ass off. No matter how neatly coiffed those mullets were in 1981, we're still laughing...

Here, for the record, are all the school pics up to this point, starting with preschool, right after she cut off all her hair with Playskool scissors, and then continuing two a year from pre-k thru first grade (I get extra points, by the way, for the fact that she wore the same shirt for both pics last year):







15 comments:

gaga said...

Awww! My favorite is the side ponytail one! What's with the gender discrimination Greg? Who's to say that the mother has to be the groomer? You spend more time in front of the mirror than any female I know, so seems to me you should be styling Lo's do.

Tania Rochelle said...

Hey George, not even I would give my child a side ponytail. That was a braid, but half of it fell out.

biggy said...

Gaga, didn't I warn you about drinking Martha Berry flavored kool-aid?

Jennifer said...

Clearly Tania's been busy making her blog pretty and has no time for trivial horseshit like braiding and styling. I think the kid looks fine, Biggy. It's not like she's bald with a big runner of snot hanging from her nostrils and Dear Mr. Jesus bruises all up and down her arms.

Tania Rochelle said...

So nice of you to notice the subtle changes in my blog, Jennifer.

I'm just trying to get it to sort-of match up with my new website. You know--the one I can't build properly because I'm tech-ly retarded--the one I'll be announcing in about ten years, when it's finished.

Kathy said...

Lo is not the bow, fancy hair style kind of girl anyway. The pictures are just beautiful. Bonus Mom points for the wash and blow dry.

biggy said...

Kathy, let's be clear. I'm certainly not pro-bow & ribbon. I am pro-style however.

Mary Campbell said...

I think she looks just perfect. French braiding is for pussies anyway.

biggy said...

And I'm waiting for Mamoo to come to my defense here.

Collin said...

I like the short hair, actually. Very pixie-ish.

The new look of the blog will take some getting used to, me thinks. Although I do like all the space you have. It's not so constrained.

Tania Rochelle said...

Biggy, let me remind you that Mamoo was responsible for Lola's bangs in that next-to-last picture.

Tracie said...

Her hair looks damn good in that last picture; I also like the one with the superman shirt.

I had a mother who did my hair for school pictures when I was young but my pictures got progressively worse as I got older and wanted to do my own hair.

go fig.

ads. said...

I really don't think she cares about her hair being styled all that much. What I see is a lovely young girl with the exact same bright eyes and big smile, despite different hairdos....and "undos"....she seems very comfortable being a girl- just not a "girly" girl. She would look great in a just a baseball cap...which is my styling technique...from when I HAD hair.

ads. said...

I like the one with the bibs, btw.

Anonymous said...

Lola's pictures are a big improvement next to Sadie and Georgia's.

About Me

My photo
Writer, teacher, student, mom.

Fresh Flowers Delivered