Pain In the Neck

When I went to see my friend Betsy on Sunday, we took her dogs for a long walk. About three minutes into it, she asked me if my neck hurt. Betsy doesn't miss a trick. I'd had a crick in it for over a week and a half.

Bets is one of those women who knows stuff. She's like Faith Popcorn, Suze Orman, Judith Martin, and Sue Johanson all rolled into a single suburban mom.

Betsy doesn't make suggestions; she tells you what to do: "Every time your mother-in-law says something ridiculous, simply answer,'You may be right'... Use a pumice on your heels every day...Invest in Home Depot...Puree peas and put them in the chili--your kids will never know...Use Astroglide..." And if you're smart, you'll just do it--no questions asked. Because she's never wrong.

Once my neck pain was confirmed, she instructed me to get a tube sock, fill it with rice (any kind except instant), tie off the end, and nuke it in the microwave. She said you could leave it in the microwave for four days and it wouldn't hurt anything, but all it takes is about three minutes. It creates a moist heat that lasts at least half an hour, and you can use it over and over.

Me, I'm not so smart. I didn't find a tube sock in the first drawer I tried, so I went and fished out the electric heating pad from the floor of the linen closet. I had to fold it over and perch it between the pillow and the pain, and I worried the whole time that the fray Stella had chewed in the cord was going to set the house on fire.

It wasn't until last night that I finally complied with Bets's directive, spotting a big sock in Biggy's hiking boots and filling it with brown rice that had been in the pantry since I went on a macrobiotic diet for half a day five years ago.

It was a little bit of heaven--hot, moist, and curving perfectly over my shoulders and under my ears.

Turns out, they sell these things in the stores, so maybe I was the last to know. In case I wasn't, though, I thought I should share.


mamoo said...

hey tania, stores sell those things that open cans too. you would be surprised at what stores sell.

Tania Rochelle said...


Anonymous said...

Girlfriend, go to Whole Foods (Whole Paycheck) and look for one of those pillows that is filled with grains or whatever and is also an aromatherapy pillow. You can put it in the microwave or the freezer, and it is heavenly if you have an aching booboo. I use mine all the time.

Was the sock you ultimately ended up using a tube sock? Is Biggy enough of a dork that he still wears tube socks? If so, does he pull them up real high?

Anonymous said...

and yes, you should use a pumice on your heels every day, T. I do that too.

Tania Rochelle said...

Jennifer, Biggy really likes to wear tube socks with flipflops.

biggy said...

Jennifer, not only do I wear them pulled up just below my knee, but also while discussing the total domination of the Florida Gators athletics and academics program, including our record against the bulldogs since 1990 (14-2).

Tania, you said "moist".

Anonymous said...

Biggy, honey, when you talk about the stellar academics of Florida as opposed to the shittiness of UGA, you might want to use a capital B when you type "Bulldogs", as it is the name of a team and, therefore, a proper noun. Also when you pull your socks way up, do you hike your pants up too so the crotch climbs up your crack?

Anonymous said...

ok, ok. it's friday already! here's the pot calling the kettle black... new post please?

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