2.21.2007

Wanted: New Racquetball Coach/Partner



Qualifications:

1. Male or female ok
2. Must not keep me waiting while you check to see if "Hitler" is working out in the free weight room
3. Must read and follow the court rules, including the wearing of goggles and no black soles
4. Must know the actual rules of the game, including what the lines on the floor are for
5. Must never eat bean burritos the day of play or purposely engage in biological warfare
6. Must not laugh when I miss the ball and slam my head into the wall
7. Must not scream the F-word while little children are watching through the glass
8. Must not speak to me in condescending tone
9. Must not google while at work: How to Improve Your Racquetball Serve To Massacre Your Wife.
10. Must not call me Flat-Footed Farrah

18 comments:

biggy said...

Interesting,as I'm am looking for a new racquetball partner as well. However, note my list of partner qualifications is quite different:
1.)Must not be spatially retarded.
2.)Must have basic understanding of game concept.
3.)Must understand the game requires you to move your feet.
4.)Must be ok with biological warfare.
5.)Must be willing to improve AND understand the purpose of constructive criticism.
6.)Must not be afraid of the ball.
7.)Must not be jealous of your opponents superior athletic ability.
8.)Must be able to keep their own score.
9.)Must understand emotion is a natural and healthy component of competitive sports.
10.)Must not be spatially retarded.

Tania Rochelle said...

Trust me when I say #4 should rule everyone out.

GA said...

At least he cusses in English.

Tania Rochelle said...

Georgia, don't you have a cathedral to visit?

Kathy said...

I'll play racquetball with you. I'm not competitive and don't care about the rules or score, but we would have fun.

biggy said...

Kathy, go find yourself a court in Denver, step into it, and begin playing. It will be exactly as if Tania was actually there. Trust me.

Tania Rochelle said...

Really? That'd be great.

FUN seems to be the part my hubby doesn't get.

Tania Rochelle said...

And Biggy, bite me.

biggy said...

lest anyone thinks I'm being mean, she does look very hot in her raquetball apparel. At least when I'm receiving serve, the view is pleasant.

Collin said...

Poor Jack.

mamoo said...

this is the funniest thing you have had lately.

Tania Rochelle said...

Everybody's a critic.

ads. said...

t: your qualification #5( not to mention #7)is going to cut your prospects for qual. #1 in half.

Kathy said...

Biggy - clearly you've never seen me play a racquet sport. The only reason I would ever play racquetball is to hang out with your wife.

Tania Rochelle said...

which SHOULD be reason enough for anyone.

Thank you, Kathy.

biggy said...

honey, we have plenty of other opportunities to hang out (i.e.-mt. biking) that don't require me to suffer from boredom on a racquetball court.

And remember, I've offered to fly you on multiple occasions to Denver to hang out with Kathy. But if you go and play racquetball with her, you must have Randy videotape it so I can win the $100,000 prize on America's Funniest Videos.

MCALDWELLC said...

I'll play racquetball anytime...but I'll need a safety helmet and goggles.

I just told my GF that we needed to start playing and she laughed at me and said no because we just bought tennis racquets, rollerblades, I am looking at a new bike and want a croquet and badmitton set.

A girl can dream can't she?

Oh, and I disagree with rule #7: "Must not scream the F-word while little children are watching through the glass"...f-bombs are always appropriate regardless of the sporting event and the glass is there for the purpose of protecting children from profanity.

biggy said...

Thanks Mary. Can we be BFF?

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