Thoughts On Flossing

I'm not a big fan of audible or olfactory evidence of bodily functions, but I'm passionately anti-detritus of any sort. My kids might get away with burping at the dinner table, but cutting their toenails anywhere but over the toilet is a punishable offense. I don't even like it when someone uses a nail file in my presence, all that mortal dust.

My sister was even worse than I am. I'll never forget her horrified expression when Kelly caught my friend J plucking her eyebrows in our dresser mirror.

"Why aren't you using a tissue?" Kelly asked J.

What for?" J responded, tweezing away.

"To prevent THIS," Kelly said, wiping the mirror where myriad tiny brows were stuck by the root.

I'm disgusted by fallen hair, dead skin, or anything that comes from the body and is found on the carpet, in the sink, on a Q-tip, or in a Kleenex.

So it stands to reason I hate flossing. All that flotsam--cheese and pineapple from lunch, pot roast from dinner-- flying everywhere, sticking to the string, getting on your fingers. I brush first, so flossing won't be as traumatizing, and then, after I floss, I have to brush again because I'm so grossed out. Lately, I've started showering again after I floss.

I often see people flossing in the car. So sick.


ga said...

who are you kidding? you don't floss. bravo on making the deadline.

ads. said...

Well, at least you DO floss....however OCD you make it.

ButtonHole said...

i agree about all of these things. i try not to mention them too much, since everyone thinks i'm pretty much insane as it is. but one thing that grosses me out is women applying lipstick at the table after a restaurant meal. this seems about as barbaric as flossing at the table. i know it doesn't make logical sense, but there it is. i had a student once take off his sandal (and that's another thing; i don't care for a guy-sandal) in class, prop his heel on the edge of the seat, and proceed to CLIP HIS TOENAILS.

I like to died.

Tania Rochelle said...

Sandals would have been one strike. Taking it off, 2. Clipping his toenails--he's outta there.

Nicholas said...

I feel your pain tania.
Last night I had a nightmare that involved being forced to eat hair balls from a public pool.

mamoo said...

ahhhhh, reminds me of the good times. relaxing on a houseboat, drinking margaritas, eating ribs, flossing with good friends.

KATE EVANS said...

I have a friend who won't floss in front of the mirror because the flecks get on the mirror. She flosses over the toilet.

Collin said...

Umm...anyone ever heard of buying a clipper that has the little slider that catches the clippings so they won't fall on the floor, sink, carpet? Off to CVS with you.

Tania Rochelle said...

Thanks for the tip, Collin.

And Kate, your friend and I would get along fine.

Rachel said...

i heard that not flossing can cause clogged arteries which could lead to stroke or heart attack. supposedly the plaque can break off from your teeth/gums and get into your bloodstream and clog your arteries just like cholesterol and things like that.

i have also heard that flossing boosts your immune system. the gunk around your teeth is full of germs (hence why it upsets tania). however, the small amount of germs is helpful because it gets into your bloodstream and lets your body create antibodies for it (sort of like a vaccine).

in summary, flossing is good.

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