I Think That Covers It

Biggy jumps at any opportunity to use his favorite phrase, always aimed at me: "Worst mother ever." He practices the saying, changing the inflection, but he's landed on the way that seems to please him best, more like three one-word sentences. For instance, in the car last Saturday, coming back from Lo's ballgame:

Lo (suddenly and spontaneously bursting into tears): Mom, I'm mad at you.

TR: Why?!! What did I do?!

Lo: YOU know!

TR: (searching my brain) I really don't. What did I do?

Lo: You put that baby bottle in my suitcase when I went to Mamoo's last night, and K saw it because she spent the night!

TR: Why didn't you just tell her it was Racky's? (fave stuffed animal that goes everywhere)

Lo: I didn't think of that! It was embarrassing!

TR: Well, how was I to know C would be spending the night?


TR: Well, I figured you would want it for your water. I was trying to be thoughtful. I'm sorry.

Biggy (driving, looking straight ahead): Worst. Mother. Ever.

So, you see how it works. Of course there are variations on the theme. Yesterday comes to mind:

TR (calling Biggy from work): I can't believe I did this! I was looking at the comments on my blog and noticed the date, and it hit me--TODAY IS MAMOO'S BIRTHDAY! It's 5:00. P! M! I've talked to her three times today! Who forgets their own mother's birthday?

Biggy: Worst. Daughter. Ever.

And now, this morning: I need to color my hair this afternoon, because I leave for a conference tomorrow. As those of you with Big Hair know, you don't want to wash it twice in one day, so I ran a bath instead of a shower so I could shave my legs and not get my hair wet. As the water was running, I went to get a towel and, as I stepped toward the hall closet, I heard a loud splash in the bathroom.

Stella HATES to get wet. She gets scared if she sees your eyes water.

She must have been REALLY REALLY thirsty.

All together now: Worst. Dog-owner. Ever.


Biggy said...

too bad she didn't jump in the toilet.

MAMOO said...

greg, that was such an ugly thing to say.

Tania Rochelle said...

and not surprising.


worst huband ever.

Collin said...

I think Nanny 911 should so an intervention over there. lol

Anonymous said...

This entry was actually comforting. I dont' feel so bad about my scatterbrain-ness.

Anonymous said...

Minus 5: It was the lighting and my need for new glasses that made it look ancient. I had to squint to see that the black space wasn't plastic, and that the window wasn't a screen. LOL.

Anonymous said...

anonymous said....
what in heck are you talking about?

Biggy said...

mamoo, a boy can dream, can't he?

Biggy said...

and mary, that should have been

Alena said...

T: Don't be so effing hard on yourself. My fish goes days without food. I made El Nino pee his pants. I let the bugs eat my pepper plant. I neglect projects at school. I sleep through meetings. I turned into an estrogen monster on Stebbi the other day. What can ya do? It happens!

Tania Rochelle said...

I'm all for the Nanny!

minus five said...

poor stella. her old age caused her eyes to betray her.

and to tania's mom: happy belated birthday. do you need some money so that you can buy a daughter who will remember the day you were born?

Grayson said...

I think Ava would prefer I wear a full burka and walk 5 feet behind her now. That's how much I seem to be embarassing her. But since she still wants to hold my hand 80% of the time, this could get kinda silly. Such is being 6.

mamoo said...

sarah, that would be wonderful. thank you so much.

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