I Think That Covers It
Biggy jumps at any opportunity to use his favorite phrase, always aimed at me: "Worst mother ever." He practices the saying, changing the inflection, but he's landed on the way that seems to please him best, more like three one-word sentences. For instance, in the car last Saturday, coming back from Lo's ballgame:
Lo (suddenly and spontaneously bursting into tears): Mom, I'm mad at you.
TR: Why?!! What did I do?!
Lo: YOU know!
TR: (searching my brain) I really don't. What did I do?
Lo: You put that baby bottle in my suitcase when I went to Mamoo's last night, and K saw it because she spent the night!
TR: Why didn't you just tell her it was Racky's? (fave stuffed animal that goes everywhere)
Lo: I didn't think of that! It was embarrassing!
TR: Well, how was I to know C would be spending the night?
Lo: I DIDN'T WANT MAMOO TO SEE IT, EITHER!
TR: Well, I figured you would want it for your water. I was trying to be thoughtful. I'm sorry.
Biggy (driving, looking straight ahead): Worst. Mother. Ever.
So, you see how it works. Of course there are variations on the theme. Yesterday comes to mind:
TR (calling Biggy from work): I can't believe I did this! I was looking at the comments on my blog and noticed the date, and it hit me--TODAY IS MAMOO'S BIRTHDAY! It's 5:00. P! M! I've talked to her three times today! Who forgets their own mother's birthday?
Biggy: Worst. Daughter. Ever.
And now, this morning: I need to color my hair this afternoon, because I leave for a conference tomorrow. As those of you with Big Hair know, you don't want to wash it twice in one day, so I ran a bath instead of a shower so I could shave my legs and not get my hair wet. As the water was running, I went to get a towel and, as I stepped toward the hall closet, I heard a loud splash in the bathroom.
Stella HATES to get wet. She gets scared if she sees your eyes water.
She must have been REALLY REALLY thirsty.
All together now: Worst. Dog-owner. Ever.