Georgia's Idea of Entertainment
While we were jogging yesterday.
Georgia: Mom, you should come to the Miss Raider pageant with me tomorrow night. It’s going to be awesome! Wait till you see the awful dresses they wear—all picked out by their menopausal East Cobb moms. It’ll be a sea of rhinestones. —And their stupid answers to the interview questions! Last year, they were asked, What is the best thing about being exposed to different cultures, and someone said, THE FOOD. The winner was a coke addict.
One of the contestants is in my English class--Crazy-Lisa. You’ve heard me talk about her. She’s the cheerleader with the bad learning disorder that all the teachers just ignore—I mean they pretend she doesn’t have one and just pass her. We were on the computers last week, and she was asking everyone for gum, in her high, valley-girl voice: “You got’nee gum? You got’nee gum?” She asked every single one of us individually, even though we could all hear her at once, and nobody had any. So this freshman comes in to use the computer, and Crazy-Lisa says, “Got’nee gum?” and the girl gives her a piece. Crazy-Lisa tells her, “I LOVE YOU!” then starts chattering away with someone else before turning back to the freshman and announcing, “You’re my BEST friend….What's your name again?”
I’m fascinated by her. In fact, I’m going to room with her on our trip to Spain. I don’t know how she survives a day; she’s that dumb. Yesterday, she asked if I’d listen to her practice her speech for the pageant. Well, I wasn’t gonna pass that up! So she starts, and it takes her about eight times just to get the first line out:
My favorite memory from high school is…
My favorite high school memory is…
I remember my favorite high school memory….
My VERY FAVORITE…
It was a gray and rainy day on the day of my favorite memory…
I’m serious, this went on for about 10 minutes, her trying to finish the first sentence.
Anyway, by the time the bell rang, all I had figured out was that her favorite memory had something to do with Walton winning a football game.
TR: Who is in the pageant?
George: Anyone who wants to be.
TR: Why aren’t you in it?
George (gawking at me like I’ve lost my mind): Are you kidding me? They have to do a DANCE routine. You know—like the Miss Universe pageant. But guess what the theme is? Georgia on My Mind. I would have been a shoe-in.
Oh my god, this is gonna be so great. Awesome, really. You've GOT to come.