3.25.2008

Bad Commercial Hall of Fame



This commercial must have been written by a man. It's like one of those horrible persona poems where someone writes from the perspective of someone he or she couldn't possibly REALLY identify with. Once, one of my classmates in grad school--a big guy from the hills of West Virginia who was otherwise a wonderful poet, wrote such a beast about a twelve-year-old Indian girl sold into sexual slavery. Trust me when I say the poem was about as authentic as Priscilla Presley's face.

I wish I'd seen the guy pitch this: We'll have a woman read aloud from the journal entry she's just finished writing and then talk about what she just read aloud. Man, I've nailed this character, and she's someone women can relate to: she's an artist who eats Kashi, does scrapbooking, and is a member of two book clubs. She wears Naturalizers and tries to walk at least three times a week. She loves Emily Dickenson, the African djembe, and expression dancing. She leads a workshop called "Creating Sacred Spaces" at the local prison and checks her breasts monthly.

If any of my former students had anything to do with this, you'd better make sure I never find out. Howard?

7 comments:

mamoo said...

I HATE THIS COMMERCIAL and this comes from someone with fibromyalgia!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

When i'm drivin' in my car
And that man comes on the radio
He's tellin' me more and more
About some useless information
Supposed to fire my imagination
I can't get no, oh no no no
Hey hey hey, that's what i say

When i'm watchin' my tv
And that man comes on to tell me
How white my shirts can be
But he can't be a man 'cause he doesn't smoke
The same cigarrettes as me

Howard said...

Sadly, I didn't write that one.

I was supposed to but I was too busy hashing out the second verse to "Viva Viagra."

Tania Rochelle said...

Perish the thought.

Kathy said...

I just saw my new least favorite commercial --- Townhouse Flipsides - part cracker, part pretzel. WTF!!! Everyone in the ad seemed thrilled with this new snack option.

Grayson: Atlanta, GA said...

Oh it's real enough. I'd say the man who pitched this had some kind of (mercifully quick I hope) relations with a neighbor of mine. You just nailed her to a T. 'Cept you left out the hideous, white "dressy" sandals on the size 10 feet. Sensible heel of course. She doesn't have fibrowatever, but you wouldn't know it from having to look at her feet.

KATE EVANS said...

I hate the way teachers are shown on commercials, TV shows & in the movies. They're either saying "open your book to chapter 3" or standing on a desk in an emotional moment to capture the students' attention for life.

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