Tonight I suffered through one of those meetings where the info could have been emailed or put into a newsletter if it weren't for all the folks who want to thank each other publicy--Thank you...no, thank you...oh, but really she's the one who should be thanked--and those (Why are they ALWAYS women?!) who simply like to hear themselves talk. You know--the ladies who wave their manicured hands or wiggle their stubby little fingers until they're called on for the sole purpose of extending the length of the session and/or starting an argument.
EXAMPLE #1:
Band Parent Ringleader: Now, Monday's exhibition will be at McEachern high school. It's easier to park in Uranus than it is at that school. We recommend you carpool if you can arrange it.
BP Fat Finger-Waggler: I went last year, and I didn't have any trouble at all parking.
EXAMPLE #2:
BP Ringleader: The fruit sale starts next month, and we need everyone's participation. This is a huge fundraiser that will get us closer to our goal of buying twelve Arabian stallions for next year's half-time show.
BP with Manicure: How much money does the band make off the fruit?
Ringleader: I'm sorry, I don't understand the question?
Manicure: Is there a minimum amount of grapefruits each student is required to sell?
Ringleader: Huh?
Manicure: The reason I'm asking is, we've ordered for the past seven years, and that fruit is just terrible. It's always dry--
(Loud twittering ensues.)
Random BP: We've always found it to be of the highest quality. The pears are as big as watermelons and as juicy as Eva Longoria.
Random BP #2: Yeah, if you're having such bad luck with the fruit, maybe you should volunteer more. Help us pack and deliver it.
Ringleader: And that reminds me--before we go on to the next order of business, I'd like to thank Tina Turnipseed for collating the fruit order forms and Don Duckworth, who taped up the arrows in the halls pointing the way to this meeting. Could you guys stand up? Let's give them a hand.
(And so it went, until I wanted to blow my brains out.)
10 comments:
Georgia, I hope you're happy. This isn't near as funny.
Oh, I don't know...the Eva Longoria line is pretty funny.
Thanks Collin and GarEy!
Trust me, if you had seen what was temporarily posted, you would agree. Garey, I'll show you this weekend.
I think you should join the Junior League, Tania.
Come visit Denver and I'll take you to our neighborhood association meeting. We force ourselves to go when drug activity/grafitti picks up. We lasted 45 mins at the last one with much eye rolling and heavy sighs. At first meeting, woman got up to complain about men leaving Kitty's (adult store about 6 blocks from us - here long before the gentrifrication started) in a "heightened state of sexual arousal". The meetings have gone downhill from there.
Your meeting sounds much more interesting, Kathy!
I just read this one to Kathy and we both howled . . . from the sanctity of our empty nest of course. I'd say each grapefruit covers the cost of one epaulet . . .
Wait, wait...you didn't spend enough time on the Arabian Stallions. I want to know more about them.
Alena, about that bridge...
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