Yesterday, when I got home from work, Georgia asked me to go jogging with her. I reminded her I had to get to Lo's 6:00 softball game but I'd run with her after that. This did not make Miss George happy because, as she reminded me, it would be dark by the time I got back.
"We won't be able to see the snakes," said George.
"I'll carry a flashlight," I assured her, knowing the batteries were dead.
And indeed, it was getting dark when we began our run at 7:30 and pretty much pitch black by the time my OCD daughter untied and retied her shorts five times, relaced her shoes twice, pulled the heels of her socks tighter, and solved the complicated equation that determines whether I should run on her left side or her right.
She set the pace, which was unusually brisk, and I tried to hang in there as long as I could without complaining. About three minutes later, I said, "This is way faster than we normally go."
"Well, I'm a fat ass," she replied.
"You burn as many walking as you do running the same distance," I informed her, pretending she's not every bit the expert I am on all things calorie.
"Okay, but it's also dark and all Blair Witch Project out here. Not to mention the snakes. I keep hearing slithery noises.
"You act like our streets are infested with copperheads."
"Um," said George, "pretty much."
About this time, I had to block her with my arm to keep her from stepping on what was slowly crossing the road in front of us. Photo was shot with my camera phone. Not the best image, but you get the point:
9 comments:
oh. my.god.
i couldn't reach you so i called geg to see if this was for real.
tania, you and george need to run at the y.
Or just buy a treadmill.
That is too scarey. I realize snakes are on the move this time of year, but this is all too much for me. Last weekend Sadie and Justin found a baby diamondback rattlesnake under the children's playhouse. Not to mention the same type of snake was under the cushion of the wicker chair on our front porch. I am with mamoo, go to the Y.
I don't think I'd ever be able to sit in a chair again.
the Bible and genesis were very even-handed about snakes, no biggie. It was Milton who put the big cultural, creepy yuck on them. Running at the Y sounds dreadful.
if i were to jog ever in my life, i would prefer to do it at night so that i would have to dodge snakes. this would help take my mind off the fact that i am exercising. and please, like georgia is a fat ass...
georgia, do you want to know what i ate and drank this morning? it will make you want to vomit and die... a sunkist, a medium french vanilla coffee, a sesame bagel with cream cheese, a snickers bar and sour patch kids. if i followed your rules, i would have to run as much as forrest gump and that still probably wouldn't be enough.
i think the scariest part of the post was the fact that Ga thinks she is a fat ass, not the snake. if she only knew what it is actually like to be a fat ass. if Ga is the new fat ass, sign me up.
and here I was going to remind Tania of the–now famous in my mind– "walking herself fat" comment that, I believe, was in a previous blog.
yeah, running at night is an all-around BAD idea. snakes, rapists, murderers, creepy suburbanites...not to mention, the risk of tripping and falling.
and Georgia is absolutely not a fat ass, but we all knew that anyway.
George -- you so do not have a fat ass. One thing I know at the wise old age of 44 -- I'd like to take back every second I ever spent worrying about my weight (and laying out in the sun, but that's another story).
Tania -- how can you still run on the street AND in the dark? I have to take Advil then go to park with dirt track in the daylight so I (1) don't trip and fall and (2) can walk the next day.
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