8.01.2006

Must-See TV


We’re all reality television addicts around here from way back. In the old days, I was riveted to TLC’s A Wedding Story, followed by the inevitable A Baby Story. No matter how many times I saw a woman give birth in a bathtub, I sobbed, even as my own children drifted away toward the far corners of the house. That was fine. If I was lucky, they’d stay away long enough for me to watch Real Life ER.

Tonight, it’s Fear Factor, Last Comic Standing, and Real World. During dinner, Biggy asked if he could sign us up for Fear Factor. I told him I wouldn’t have any trouble being catapulted into a pig pen or getting past the 300-lb.Rottweilers in the make-believe junkyard, but since I don’t know the calorie count in a maggot milkshake, there’s no way I could drink it.

For years now, I’ve waited for MTV to come up with the Real Real World, my idea: Take those spoiled brat college kids who are expecting to live in a renovated lighthouse in Boston or a bungalow on Fiji and stick them in a double-wide in Austell. Instead of producing records or painting murals with inner city youth, put them to work at Bi-Lo, stocking shelves and frying chicken.

Then the camera crew can follow them to Karaoke Night at Brunswick Lanes to see if they drink too much PBR. The tramp can get pregnant out by the dumpster, the gay guy (or girl) can hook up with the high school guidance counselor, the bulimic can puke up her nachos in the ladies’ room, and the Mormon or Quaker can have a crisis of faith during Cosmic Bowling.

12 comments:

Garey Simpson said...

I have a gay neighbor that's supposed to be on the Real World. His mom is the one who had the crisis of faith... You know how those JFBC moms are.

minus five said...

i think they already tried to use your version of the real real world when fox created "the simple life" with paris and nicole. that's what happens when people who don't live in trailers make the decisions about what will and will not air on the television waves.

Tania Rochelle said...

For those unfamiliar with East Cobb, JFBC=Johnson Ferry Baptist Church.

And oh I do know.

Sarah, I still thought of it first--back in the late 90's.

minus five said...

i'm all out of gold stars, will a certificate work for you just as well?

Jennifer said...

Actually, T, I thought of it a very long time ago myself (early 90s). I wanted them to move the LA cast to south central Los Angeles for Real World Straight Outta Compton and show the kids getting down with the gang bangers and smoking crack cocaine, but no one but me seemed to think that was a great idea (people have been similarly dubious when I've suggested inventing clear coffee and prdoucing a workout tape for baton aerobics...). Then my plan was to have the producers set up the house in a white trash locale, trailer park would do, maybe Real World Swainsboro or Real World Mt. Holly Springs (the trailer area near where I grew up). Fuck glamour. Let's get real!

Tania Rochelle said...

I love your clear coffee idea!

And Baton Bob has that video in the works.

A said...

What's going on with BB lately? I miss that guy. Such a people person.

Collin said...

When The Real World first debuted back in 1991 or 92, I though it was cool as hell. I think I started to not give a shit after the London cast in 1995. Not that I didn't enjoy the London version, but no one else seemed to because most of the people on that show were fairly, well, normal.

Since 1995, MTV seems to have made it a policy that there must be some bitchy gay guy (or dyke), an angry black (or Hispanic), a slut, a girl with a current/former eating disorder and some frat guy who's probably a closet case himself.

Anyone who signs up to be on that show now is both mentally ill or desperate for fame, which is probably a symptom of mental illness. I can understand being on Fear Factor or Amazing Race, because there's a heap of money in it. You get your cash and fade into obscurity (unless you're dating Lance Bass and a bitchy homo). The only thing Real Worlders get is to continue being on Real World/Road Rules spin-offs until they're 40 and are still clinging to the thread that they are famous in some way.

Don't even get me started on My Super Sweet 16...

Tania Rochelle said...

Please do, Collin! Get started.

MCALDWELLC said...

I loved the Real World when it first debuted...the New York one with that hot model guy and the girl from Alabama....that was quality...I must have the attention span of a flea because I lost interest after the first one.

I do like Tania's idea for a reality show...but it sort of sounds like my Catholic High School experience: premarital sex, eating disorders, latent homosexuality...aaaaah, those were some good times.

Jason said...

I'm glad I'm not the only who watches Last Comic Standing. Love that show. My picks from the beginning were Josh Blue and Chris Porter, not sure who I want to take the whole thing. They are so damn funny!

Anonymous said...

I thought about trying out for The Biggest Loser until I watched an episode where they had the contestants running.

They looked like a herd of cattle being rounded around the field with all that green grass and fences.

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