Peyton Place

While jogging yesterday, I was musing over the Wisteria Lane that is our neighborhood. Maybe other subdivisions are like this—I don’t know. I’ve lived in this one for about 15 years, the longest I’ve ever lived on one cul-de-sac. So if this is commonplace, do correct me.

Side note: Biggy says my map is off--that the EFG row is actually one road over. But big deal. I couldn’t get it all in the screen shot, so consider the visual an approximation for the purpose of dramatization. I’ve also changed most of the names.

Just for context, I’ll point out that House A is where I lived with my Imaginary Husband, and where I continued to live after my divorce and until Biggy and I were married and added Lo. Then we moved into House B, where we still reside.

House C is where Diane used to live. Diane had a daughter, Sherry, who was about 17 when we moved into B. Diane was a single mom and apparently met lots of men on online. At one point, a huge charter bus started parking in the street in front of her house. It was a real pain in the ass to get around and an eyesore, needless to say.

About three weeks after the bus appeared, driven by her latest cyber-paramour, white balloons tied to the mailbox announced their marriage, The marriage was over before the balloons lost their air, and the daughter, Sherry, had to take out a restraining order against the bus driver because he was stalking her at college.

After that, Diane put House C up for sale and moved into House I, where her mother lived. House C stayed vacant for over a year, because the house directly across from it was House J, Bob’s City Dump. Then Lyle and his wife Carolyn, in House F, divorced and Lyle bought House C so he could live near their son. (For which he got big T-Brownie bonus points.)

The Testas owned House E until about three years ago. Right before they moved, they had a Memorial Day cookout, and that’s where I met Alan, one of their guests. He was there with a woman named Wanda. I was introduced to Wanda’s ex-husband, Dave, when he stopped by the gathering to drop off his two sons with their mother. A few months later, Alan bought House D, and Wanda seemed to be living with him. Not long after that, the Testa’s put House E on the market and Dave purchased it.

A year or so later, Wanda was no longer hanging out at House D, which might or might not be because she found out Alan is skeevy.

Now Carolyn, in F, who used to be married to Lyle in C, which used to be owned by Diane, across the street in I, is dating Dave in E.

So what about House H? Its story is incidental, really, and maybe doesn’t count at all, since none of it actually occurred inside the house itself. Mary, who lives there, once had a brief affair with Hiram, who lived in House G. The coupling always took place at dusk, in her truck--which was parked behind the bus.

You learn a lot when you jog.


Rupert said...

not to sound like Alena but . . . is all that really true? Friday nostalgia?

Kathy said...

Your neighborhood definitely beats ours for ongoing drama. We have the occasional bad rental property, drug dealer/hooker dramas but nothing like this. Or at least not that we know of. I may need to start paying more attention.

biggy said...

Rupert, unfortunately, it's all true. Not even Tania could be this creative.

thefamilyupthestreet said...

Sweet! We didn't make the list.

Tania Rochelle said...

thefamilyupthestreet--I'd never do that to y'all. Even if you came out in the yard in drag and your wife was chasing you with a kitchen knife.

Montgomery Maxton said...

can i have an honorary house in your neighborhood?

Collin said...

Wait, I don't see House J circled. Am I overlooking it? It looks like a chart for a football game, which I guess it is.

Tania Rochelle said...

Thanks Collin. I fixed it.

Tania Rochelle said...

Mr. Maxton, which honorary house do you want?

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