7.09.2007

Where the F*** Is Bob?

Please, let me remember you to this, from April '06, and this, from back in November.

Well, here it is, July '07, and the saga continues. Bob and Cindy (let's just call 'em by their names) pretty much up and moved out in the middle of the night a few weeks ago. They bought (rented?) a BIGGER house near the high school--we reckon so they'll have more room for their stockpile of rotten garden hoses, rusty bicycles, and defunct hot tubs. So here we've lived with their idea of "progress" for something like a hundred years, and this is where we've landed. You know, before Bob and Cindy moved in with their three kids, drug dealers rented the house. They kept the yard nice.

We have no idea if B & C own the house on our street. They claimed to have lease-purchased it year before last, after having begun its slow demolition the year before. But we're pretty sure that they couldn't afford two mortgages, seeing as how she works on and off at WalMart to supplement her substitute teaching. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Cindy is a sub at the elementary school, as well as a girl scout leader, and--no doubt--room mom x 3. Bob's job is a mystery. He "works" from home, something involving computers. Might it also involve 900 numbers?

We do know that he shows up every couple of days now to move the tarp around and scrap a few more shingles and boards of siding. He generally "labors" for five or ten minutes before sitting in one of the camping chairs, cracking open a cold one, and admiring his Herculean accomplishments. Sometimes he invites a friend or two over to drink beer and watch him do this.

Meanwhile, everyone else on the street is dreaming up magic spells that involve curling irons and kerosene.

But the real bonus this past weekend was when he brought the boat BACK and parked it in the driveway--the whole fascinating evolution inspiring my new weekly feature. Look for it every Monday, when we'll try to answer the question, "Where the fuck is Bob?"

These were taken Saturday morning...







and by Saturday afternoon...ta-daaaaaaa! The boat is back. Must not be allowed in the new 'hood.

10 comments:

MCALDWELLC said...

I LOVE your neighborhood...it is almost as fascinating as the transexual prostitutes, car theft and drug dealing on 4th street.

Collin said...

I love these voyeuristic posts. I have this image of you as Jimmy Stewart in "Rear Window" with your leg propped up and big telephoto lenses. Biggy, of course, is wearing a dress and looking like a tranny Grace Kelly.

thefamilyupthestreet said...

After chatting with the County yesterday, it seems it only takes three neighbors to sign a petition agreeing that the house is abandoned. They will then condemn the property. Hmmmmm...

BTW, Bob came by late last night and actually locked the door!

Tania Rochelle said...

Where do I sign?

Kathy said...

But if you sign petition and get the house condemned, what will happen to the "Where the F*** is Bob" feature?

Tania Rochelle said...

Don't underestimate me, Kathy. They only moved about two miles away. There's the whole process of destroying the new house that can be documented.

I'll get a picture of it in its pristine condition today or tomorrow, when I pick Jack up from drumline practice.

ads. said...

You could also take a picture of his new digs, and guage the "progress" on that one, if this one goes away... Somehow, I keep humming the theme to "Green Acres" when I look at these pics.

Jennifer said...

T, this is an excellent new feature! I look forward to the updates!!!

Rachel said...

do you think the headboard of that bead is covered in cabinet liner or wallpaper? either way, its quite crafty if you ask me.

Tania Rochelle said...

Rachel, I do believe it is fabric from one of her old muumuu's.

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