8.08.2007

Here's a Poll For Ya


I've wanted to write about this since last week, but I had to wait to get permission from the guy who shared the story with me. He was fine with it, as long as I wasn't naming any names. So I'm going to take some liberty with the details, something I NEVER do, of course, but know that the simple narrative line here is true, even if the setting, props, and costumes have been changed to protect the guilty.

All right, Guy went to Scranton--make that Newark--to visit some old friends. His very sweet wife couldn't go because she had volunteered to work at the Sisters of Mercy homeless shelter all weekend, but she blessed the trip. He and these friends were going to to hear John Fogerty, Wes Borland, and Sammy Hagar at an outdoor concert. They were drinking a little beer, needless to say, and by the time he dragged himself away from the music to hit the port-a-potty, that little bit felt like a keg sitting in his bladder.

As luck would have it, the lines for the johns were as long as Rainbow's guitar solo at the Viper Room. Everyone was suffering. After several minutes of wiggling and wishing, he noticed that folks were going in as couples, males and females together, like Noah's Ark. And many of the couples didn't seem to know each other at all. See, because each unit had both a urinal and a toilet, it was simply a matter of convenience to pair up, as they saw it. Necessity even.

So, this gal behind him, a blond in cut-off jeans and a halter top...no, a redhead wearing a yellow sundress...rather, a brunette in skinny jeans and a white linen shirt...(Does it matter?) asked him if he'd mind if she went in with him. She really needed to "go" and he'd sure be helping her out. She made him promise he wouldn't look, blah, blah, blah.

He consented to the plan.

Later that night, when he called his wife, he told her all about it, assuming she'd think it was as funny as he did.

He was wrong about that.

As Guy related all of this to me last week, I found myself stunned by his stupidity and said as much. I figured the only reason he went along with Toilet Girl was he'd had too much to drink. But when I offered that up, he confessed that he hadn't been drunk at all--that had his wife not shown him the error of his ways, he'd have done it again under similar circumstances. He truly didn't think there was anything wrong with being crammed ass-naked in a three-foot space with a woman not his spouse.

Well, I saved the story from Wednesday until Friday night, when Biggy and I went out for pizza. I knew it would be good for at least ten minutes of conversation, even if all Biggy did was feign shock and pretend to agree with me. My husband, however, wasn't even smart enough to do that. The only thing we agreed on was that Guy shouldn't have mentioned it to his wife, and our reasons for that were different. To my mind, Guy should have recognized his mistake, considered it a no harm/no foul, and resolved to use better judgment in all things forevermore. Then he should have bought her a tennis bracelet and taken the secret to his grave.

Biggy believes rubbing asses with a stranger in a closet in order to move the line is no biggy. He also believes there's no reason to bother your wife about it.

Won't you all weigh in?

25 comments:

Rachel said...

i don't think i'd even be able to pee with a stranger peeing that close to me. were there no bushes the guys could go in?

Ty said...

Personally, I wouldn't do it. I'm with Rachel. There is no way I'd be able to go. I get pee fright at the urinal.

Be that as it may, I have to side with Biggy and the "guy." It's really not that big a deal. Personally, there's nothing even remotely sexually about relieving yourself in the company of other people.

Anonymous said...

Exactly, Ty.

biggy said...

anonymous=biggy

Tania Rochelle said...

Gee, Biggy, didn't I already make clear your position?

Spence said...

My three cents:

It's totally NOT a big deal and in no way sexual... plus, the woman (or the man for that matter) could be gay in which case it's really just a matter of practicality.

HOWEVER.

There is NO WAY you'd catch me in a Handi House with someone else because EWWWWWWWW, there's hardly enough room in there to tiptoe in, try not to touch ANYTHING and try not to let your clothes touch ANYTHING while you're trying to squat over the nastiness that is Essence of Handi House and relieve yourself. All that, with someone else doing their business at the same time? NOT.HAPPENING.

I'm just sayin'...

(btw, great poll... )

Kathy said...

Totally agree with you Tania - absolutely not ok. And has nothing to do with being jealous. Did to help move the line along.... Please.

Collin said...

If they weren't slobbing the knob or doing the Port-A-Potty Push, what's the big deal?

MCALDWELLC said...

I don't see the big deal of it all...I think women tend to be way too dramatic about things like this. If you trust someone, you trust someone.

Plus, there is nothing even remotely sexy about relieving oneself in the company of a stranger or port-a-potties in the middle of August.

I have spoken.

Howard said...

I don't know if it's right or wrong or what when it comes to marriage or whatever but I know it's personally kind of gross.

I also know one of the joys of being a man is that when it comes to the port-a-potty (or any potty for that matter) is you can be in and out in like 45 seconds. It's not exactly the kind of place that encourages lingering. Personally, I like to challenge myself by trying to hold my breath the whole time.

So I'm thinking, given the size of those things, it would probably be faster to just get in and get out and let her have it to herself rather than trying to squeeze in together. And I'm with everyone else, how could you possibly pee in such close proximity to someone?

My other questions is who travels to see John Fogerty, Wes Borland, and Sammy Hagar in Jersey? That was the real mistake if you ask me.

Please tell me those names were changed.

jessica said...

People, people, you are all forgetting one major factor: THEY HAD BEEN DRINKING BEER. Now if memory serves me right, I've seen all types of bathroom arrangements at concerts and the such.

That being said . . . there is nothing sexual. But I wouldn't go in a bathroom with a man I didn't know.

Ana B. said...

Hey, whatever moves the line!

(But really, I say bushes are the way to go. And friends to hold the towel and make a wall.)

Tania Rochelle said...

Hey Mary, How about I trust my husband not to dangle his genitals in front of another woman.

ktothefe said...

I think we need to clarify that both parties involved were pissing. If she were to be doing ANYTHING other than that....then ALL BETS ARE OFF!

That said, I agree with Mary C--if you trust someone then you trust them. End of story. There's nothing sexual about pissing in a port-a-john. Nothing.

And he should've told his wife. Because of the trust thing!

Tania Rochelle said...

Oh, and by the way:

Many people are turned on by this.

Kathy said...

I trust my husband. Also trust that he knows better than to share a port-o-let with a woman he doesn't know who will be pulling her pants down (yes, even in a non-sexual way and only to pee) within inches of him (was this the Taj Mahal of port-o-lets or a standard?). Due to the ick factor of sharing a port-o-let, don't think it would be an issue anyway. I've drunk (drank?) WAY more than my fair share of beer and have never felt the urge for a port-o-let for two.
Tania - you probably already do, but if not please check out Savage Love column for your fill of pee and all other fetishes.

ads. said...

BOY! This takes me back....

chrissy said...

This must have been a big port-a-potty. I take up the whole thing because I have to hover, which means I have to place my feet, hands, and upper body strategically. So I'm not sure how this worked?

However, I have gone to the bathroom with a guy when I was really drunk. It was no big deal, but I'm not sure why he was in there because there was no urinal.

Collin said...

I mean, it's not like she was sitting on the pot and he was pissing between her legs....or maybe he was.

ads. said...

THAT'S what I'm talkin' 'bout!!!!!

MCALDWELLC said...

I just read Montana your blog and she agrees with you, Tania.

I am, officially, a dumbass for condoning such lude behavior.

I am just glad to know the ground rules for peeing in a port-o-let with a stranger for future reference.

Tania Rochelle said...

Ah, Mary. But can she ever truly trust your judgment now?

Tracie said...

I just wanna pull that lever...twice.

Jennifer said...

A bathroom post. Excellent!

Leann said...

What the F*#K is this guy's problem!?! What a F*#KING MORON!!!! BESIDES the fact that he has so little respect for her to do something like this, it is completely inappropriate & unacceptable! I hope to high heaven that she has kicked his sorry a#s out of the house & changed the locks! There is no way you can play the "dumb guy" card on this one! No way, no how!! Anyone with a positive IQ can figure out that this would NOT be okay. And he WASN'T EVEN DRINKING!?!?! D-I-V-O-R-C-E!!

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